That Wacky Wall Street Journal Editor

The Wall Street Journal's Editor, Paul Gigot, said explicitly that the U.S. should speed the shipment of weapons to Israel because according to him, it will help to save lives. I was floored by this huge piece of doublethink bullcrap.

He didn't strike me as a very smart guy considering the fact that he is the editor for a major national newspaper .

PAUL GIGOT: So you're furious because we're sending target weapons, these smart weapons that can explicitly...

COLE: Oh, have you seen the pictures [of Lebanon], Paul?

GIGOT: Look, it's a very difficult situation. The smart weapons actually do less damage. We ought to speed more weapons over there because it will do less damage to civilians.

COLE: I think the weapons they are speeding over there are those 'bunker busters'.

GIGOT: Thank God for the 'bunker busters' because they are able to get to people 100 feet down.

Other wonderful nuggets of doublethink:
* WAR IS PEACE
* FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
* IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

Again, this is why I don't watch Fox News.

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A Bush Thanksgiving

What was that turkey doing? I guess that's what it has to do to get it's pardon on Thanksgiving. LOL.

Hey, at least Clinton was able to hook up with fat chicks.

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Family Tradition?

Looks like things are heating up in the Middle East. Turns out, both sides start young as these photos prove. I have seen variants of the Palestinian child with suicide bombs or with ak47s before. Like this poor misled kid:
Well, here is what Israeli kids are taught to do. These poor Israeli children are also educated in the school of fear and hatred just like their Palestinian counterparts. The Israeli kids scribbled messages on artillery shells including a Star of David, hearts, and "From Israel, with Love.” It warms the heart doesn't it?

Shame on the adults that are teaching these kids fear, hatred, and violence.
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Our 5th Anniversary

Today is our 5th wedding anniversary. They have been 5 great years. I feel they have passed so quickly. My wife and I looked up the traditional 5th wedding anniversary gifts and it is wood. Silverware is the gift for modern 5th anniversary. My wife and I decided to go with the traditional gift. So first, she gave me wood and then I gave her wood. It was amazing.

;-)

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Toilet Paper

I was watching The Simpsons. In the episode, Marge and Homer are being investigated by Child Protective Services. The CPS lady notes that the Simpsons have the "...toilet paper hung in improper overhand fashion..."

Yet, when I googled it, it really turns out that most people prefer the overhannd dispensation method.

Poll results from livejournal.com

Should the toilet paper roll hang:

Over (81.2%) 547

Under (16.3%) 110

In some other bizarre and alien configuration, which I will explain
in the comments (2.5%) 17

What is wrong with you people? I completely agree with this CPS lady. The toilet paper should be placed in the dispenser in an underhand fashion. Like this:This way, it is easier to unroll squares, and tear off with a single swift one hand motion. I'd rather use the underhand method because the paper comes off easier. It's more important to me to have enough paper. It would be a very messy situation if you had a catastrophic toilet paper blow out. Wouldn't it? You know what i mean.

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Go F**k Yourself Mr. Cheney

I had seen this video a while back shortly after the incident happened. I regret that I was not able to see it live on tv. I guess I should have skipped work that day. LOL.

Cheney told what he could do to himself LIVE on CNN


I had not seen this other video that was made by the guy that actually told Cheney to go fuck himself. If you enjoyed mass media coverage of this event, then you will love this video.

Jay Scully Homevideo


I wonder if CNN was fined for broadcasting the word "fuck" on live tv. The FCC has been cracking down on any broadcast that contains indecent language. As I understand things, saying "fuck" or "shit" whether intentionally or unintentionally can get a station fined.

I guess we have to censor our president as well since he said, "shit" on tv. In case you missed it, Bush said this about the Mid-East situation.

Bush : See, the irony is what they need to do is get Syria to get Hezbollah to stop doing this shit, and it's over.

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It's War.

Jon Stewart points out how crappy the TV news coverage of on going war between Israel and Lebanon. Seems the media has been confused about whether this is a war or not.

It's war. Events have steadily escalated. From the TV news I have seen, it looks like an all-out war now.

Stewart on Lebanon Coverage


However Tony Snow, White House Spokesman is still confused. He said:

Why would it be our war? I mean, it's not on our territory. This is a war in which the United States... It's not even a war. What you have at this point is hostilities between Israel and Hezbollah. I would not characterize it as a war.

Tony Snow: Mideast Conflict is 'Not Even A War'


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Wacky Fox News Pundit

I don't usually watch Fox News. It may be because they have people like former CIA director James Woolsey as commentators.

Mr. Woolsey thinks the U.S. should attack Syria. I'm not a mideast expert and am not even going to pretend to be one. I'll leave that up to Mr. Woolsey.

I do think Mr. Woolsey has another very bad idea. He has a bad track record. Prior to his current bad idea of invading Syria, he was a strong proponent of invading Iraq, and we all know how that's turned out.

Oh, when you watch this video clip, notice how much space the newsbanner takes up. It's horrible. The huge logo on the upper left of the screen is very annoying too.

Newspeople, REMOVE THE BANNERS! Please.

Check out the John Gibson interview of Woolsey for yourself.

Fmr. Director of the CIA calls for an attack on Syria

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Bottled Water

This is just disgusting. I mean seriously. This is an ad on a water company's website. There are many things wrong with this ad. First the water is being sold to us. I wrote about seatbelts a few days ago but local gov't should really fix the quality of water. Clean water is important to all humans.

Clean water should be considered a basic human right. (added 03.12.2007)

Second, this stupid girl is saying "it's the only water I can drink". Where was she spawned? It's just water. We all need it. I'm sure she'd drink any kind of water if she was thirsty enough. Her statement is just dumb.

Worst of all, the serving size of this bottle of water is insane. It's only 8 fl oz. The water volume is so small that it's really not even satisfying.

Why would people use a product that costs so much but delivers so little?

This tiny plastic bottle is made from petroleum. Water is heavy, yet this bottle of water is most likely shipped to your local store via truck. After you are done with the bottle and the tiny amount of water, it goes in the trash. Not cool.

The ad also says, "This could be you!".

LOL, I hope not.

I see people reusing the plastic bottles and I think that's smart. I like to carry a thermos cause it keeps the water cold all day. Sometimes, I'll fill it with coffee in the morning and then with water for the afternoon. I think it's really the way to go.

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It's My Birthday!

it's my birthday today. i turned 30. woo-hoo!

My wife made me a cake. She made the most amazing strawberry cake for me. It was scrumptious. I love her very much.

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Cafe Legal

Cafe Legal is my favorite coffee. I'm not a coffee connoisseur. I'm not even close to an expert. But I really do like this coffee and if you ever have a chance, you should check it out. It's a really tasty combination of mexican coffee, cinnamon, and piloncillo. Piloncillo is mexican style dark brown sugar.

I found it at my local mexican food store. I've never seen or tasted anything like it at my regular supermarket. It really is worth the trip to the mexican supermarket. While you are there, it might be a good idea to pick up some salsa cause they have an excellent selection. LOL.

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Miracle Spring Water

I was watching tv yesterday and I stumbled upon this guy. At first, I thought that he was selling the miracle spring water. Very interesting. I had to check it out.

Well, turns out that he doesn't sell the water. He gives it away for "free". I wasn't about to call the number on the screen so I found his website. Apparently, after he gives you the water, then he asks for donations. There are a lot of convincing testimonials too. Lots of the testimonials are about God giving miracle spring water users money mostly. Example:

"I received the miracle spring water and the blessed cakes in Jesus' name. Everything around me and my family is different. Blessings have been occurring. You were not wrong; it was a $17,000 loan that was granted to me to pay off most of my debts. You're a guiding light. I thank the Lord for your prayers. I see myself now walking in the right path."

The whole thing is just not right I thought. I wonder why he calls it miracle spring water instead of holy water? He's pretty stingy with the amount of water he gives you too. I guess it's so you have to keep calling back for the stuff. I can get holy water by the gallon at my church. Plus, I personally witness the holy water being blessed unlike the miracle spring water.

But if you thought the free miracle spring water was great, then check Poop-off's other great deals. If the miracle water was just not strong enough to cure whatever ails you, then you must order The Divine Transfer Kit. For only a $89.99 love fee, you receive:

The Divine Transfer Kit

This Powerful Kit Incudes:

1. 7 Hours In Heaven - Book
2. Prosperity Thinking - Book
3. God Has Promised You Divine Wealth - Book
4. Guaranteed Answered Prayer - Book
5. Angels - Book
6. Dreams - Book
7. God's Promises - Devotional Book
8. God's Abundant Blessings - Book
9. Releasing The Power Of The Holy Spirit In Your Life - Book
10. HOOKED! Breaking Satan's Bondage - Book
11. Amy Cardiff's The Preacher's Kid - Audio CD
12. Divine Transfer Wallet with Engraved Prayer by Rev. Popoff
13. 3 Audio CD's "For My Very Important Platinum Member" Powerful Teachings by Rev. Popoff
14. A Divine Transfer Bracelet
15. Beautiful Cross Necklace Personally Brought Back From Israel By Rev. Popoff Filled with Holy Land Soil and Water.

This is a once in a lifetime offer. It is a $390 value for only $89.99. LOL undoubtedly with this kit, God will do your bidding.

Hey if you have money to waste, send it to me. I really need it. With a love gift of only $20 (see it's a bargin), I will personally pray that God gives you wisdom. Cash and money orders only please!

LOL, I even found a site that is dedicated to exposing Poop-off's fraud. Check it out.

Peter Popoff Proved Fake

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Annoying News Banner

I have been annoyed for years by news banners at the bottom of the screen. Some of those banners take up 1/5th of the screen. It's info overload. The scrolling text is the worst. If i want to read the news, then I would rather read it online and not from the tiny scrolling text at the bottom of the screen.

Maybe 3 years ago, I was so annoyed by all that extra crap on the bottom of the screen that I emailed CNN. I told them how I felt and that they should remove the banner immediately. Well, they didn't listen. They didn't even write me back.

Comedian Lewis Black thought the banner was shitty too and he got them to remove it at least for a little while.

Lewis Black Demands CNN Remove Banner During Interview


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Seatbelt Laws

(El Vato's Note: This post was moved from the original Munky Report post.)

Is the the government really that concerned about your safety or your kid's safety?

If I ride around without a seatbelt, who am I hurting besides possibly myself? No one. I am an adult. I can make my own decisions and if I want to do something stupid like not wear my seatbelt, then I should be allowed to do so. I don't think I should be fined for it. Of course, buckle up little Johnny because as a parent you should protect your children. It bugged me to think of people not putting their kids in safety seats. Then I thought about the hypocrisy of a law that fines parents for not having a seatbelt on their kids, while everyday of the school year, millions of kids go to and from school on the bus without any kind of safety restraint system.

It makes me think that seatbelt laws aren't so much for your safety as they are for local or state revenue. What a rip off!

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El Vato's Dictionary

El Vato's Dictionary is my attempt to easily catalog some of the more interesting words that I use to express myself in my posts.

I use UrbanDictionary.

Words:

apeshit - to loose all self-control and in general, go fucking crazy. (My favorite.)

bomb - A bomb is not usually something considered excellent, but after 1997 it means something considered excellent and/or the best (uses modifier "the")

gibrone - one who is so stupid he/she deserves a beating.

half-assed - Not well planned or executed; Incompetent.

shit-eating grin - Someone donning a forced smile in an uncomfortable, embarrassing, or compromising situation could be said to have a shit eating grin.

shithole - A filthy, disgusting or dilapidated place or establishment.

shitkicker - A derogatory term that people from large urban metropolitan areas use to describe someone from a rural area or farm.

stomp a mudhole - To tear someone a new ass, to beat them to near death or to otherwise hurt someone to the point that they can not fight back.

terrorism - a systematic use of terror especially as a means of coercion.

terrorist - one who employs terror and/or fear as a political weapon.

throttled - Surf term for consequences of whiping out on a wave. Usually means being slammed against reef, rock or sand and being held down for a long period of time.

wicked sick - The skill level after GOD-LIKE in Unreal Tournament, only achievable by a true champ of the game.

El Vato's Edit...I went back in time and added "El Vato's Dictionary" to the the day I started my blog.

Ash: Ok you Primitive Screwheads, listen up! You see this? This... is my boomstick! The 12-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about $109.95. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. That's right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. You got that?
--Army Of Darkness

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El Vato

The Munky Report

Hello everyone. Welcome to The Munky Report.

I've been up since 1 am, and could not go back to sleep. It is currently 5:45 am. I tossed around in bed for a few hours before I decided to get up about 20 minutes ago. I kept thinking, as I lay in bed, about stuff that was bugging me. I decided that I would start my own blog, so that I could post crap on it. Hopefully someone will read it, so, to whomever may be reading this I say "THANK YOU".

(El Vatos's edit 01.28.2007)

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